


Not A Hero. Shh!

by thefrailtyofgenius



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Quirks (My Hero Academia), F/M, Police Procedural, Stealth Crossover, also different jake/amy get-together?, bc they’re still detectives, bnhaxb99bang, idk how to tag that, well maybe not that stealthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21797260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrailtyofgenius/pseuds/thefrailtyofgenius
Summary: In a world of quirks, the 99th precinct is still doing their thing. They may not be heroes, but they get the job done.
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	Not A Hero. Shh!

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my first entry for the Boku No Nine Nine mini-bang!! i’ve never done a bang before, so this has been a blast, especially since i got to go back and reatch a ton of b99 to get a sense of the characters again. hope i did them justice!! art to come soon! enjoy!!!
> 
> -MH

“Surprise, surprise, the heroes brought in a perp without reporting or processing again!”

Jake jolted as Amy marched up to his desk and slammed a stack of folders onto it. He pulled his feet off the desk surface and looked pointedly between the mound of paper and Amy’s exasperated face. “If they didn’t do the paperwork, then wh—”

“I did, of course!” She burst out. “Don’t these quirk-brained idiots realize that the people they’re capturing won’t even go to trial unless we know why they’re here?”

He leaned back in his chair and smirked. “Sounds like someone’s bitter they don’t have a quirk.”

**Detective Amy Santiago  
Quirk: None. But woe betide anyone who thinks Amy Santiago needs a quirk to be top of her class and next in line for captaincy.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 31  
Bloodtype: A-  
Likes: Tabbed dividers, Helvetica font  
Dislikes: Heroes**

Jake leaned forward and flipped up the cover of the folder she’d given him. The perp’s picture was of a ostentatiously goateed man wearing a high-collared purple suit. “Aww, they brought you a pimp, Santiago! You gotta keep an eye out for opportunities like this.”

She glared at him, ignoring the jibe. “I’m not bitter, I’m…frustrated. Besides, you have a quirk, and you’re still here cleaning up after Moonlight and The Collateral Damage Squad.”

Jake’s eyes widened. “Ooh, Gina was here? Why didn’t you tell me?” Ever since the 99 had been switched to the night shift, he’d thought his days of hanging out with heroes were done, but he’d forgotten that Gina Linetti, aka the hero Moonlight, worked late hours. He and Gina were childhood friends, but she’d been blessed with an awesome quirk, while his was just—

Amy snapped her fingers in his face. “Focus, Peralta. It wasn’t Moonlight, and your quirk isn’t gonna stop Holt from firing you if he sees you daydreaming.”

He stood and stretched. “First of all, it’s not _day_ dreaming. It is definitely night right now, which is when you’re _supposed_ to dream. Second of all, Holt loves me. We’re like this!” He crossed his fingers and shoved them in the woman’s face.

“Like _what_ , Detective Peralta?”

Shit. Jake turned around slowly to see Holt himself. Amy grinned smugly. The captain was staring flatly at him, a clipboard held under his arm. He looked tired. Well, they _all_ looked tired, but being able to glean _anything_ from Holt’s face was a miracle, so Jake felt pretty proud of himself for the observation. “Liiiiiiike…two people, standing in an over-air conditioned building at” he glanced at the clock “3:19 in the morning wishing they were asleep?”

The flat look continued. “Unfortunately, detective, that is _exactly_ what we are, so I fail to see why a comparison was needed. Additionally,” he shifted to hold the clipboard in front of him, “the temperature in this room is to compensate for the inevitable drowsiness resulting from…”

Jakes _wished_ he could drown out the words, stuff cotton in his ears, _anything_ , but Captain Holt’s quirk was practically _made_ to negate his short attention span and dislike of authority.

“…the ridiculous shifts our team has been forced to take, which wouldn’t have happened without the reckless, irresponsible, _selfish_ behavior you exhibited…” 

**Captain Raymond Holt  
Quirk: “Listen.” So long as Holt is talking, anyone within a 50-foot radius will be forced to listen. Conversely, rapid deactivation has the opposite effect. His precise control makes this quirk’s use nearly undetectable, but he does (thankfully) have a deep, pleasant voice.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 51  
Bloodtype: O+  
Likes: ???  
Dislikes: Fun**

“…and since we have you to thank for that, detective, I expect _you_ to be the driving force behind reversing it.”

“Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh, yeah, cool cool cool, so when are we going to get a _chance_ to make up for it then?”

“Gina said they could use some police support on the south side after that teleportation villain came through!”

Jake jumped. “Jesus, Boyle! What have I told you about doing that?”

The space next to him apologized mournfully. “Sorry, Jake, I had to put the bell down when I was helping Amy.” The distinct sound of a pair of handcuffs jingled in the air. “I thought these would do it, but I guess not.”

**Detective Charles Boyle  
Quirk: “Invisible.” Boyle’s body is completely invisible as well as anything he touches directly, including his own clothing, held objects, and other people.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 43  
Bloodtype: B+  
Likes: Exotic foods, musicals  
Dislikes: Lying**

“Voluntarily wearing handcuffs should not be daily procedure, Detective Boyle. And what was this about a bell?”

“Oh, Jake suggested I wear this bell when I’m around the office so people can hear me coming.” Boyle’s enthusiastic voice and grateful tone more than made up for his lack of visible appearance. You didn’t have to have an empathy quirk to know how Charles Boyle was feeling.

Holt shot him a look. “You put a bell on him.” It wasn’t a question.

Jake pointed at his colleague. “It was Amy’s idea! She even bought the bell!”

The withering glare she sent him was worth it when her own sense of ethics demanded she confirm his statement. “Yes, I did. It wasn’t with company funds, though, so—”

She was cut off by a new voice coming from the front entrance. “Mmm, sounds _fascinating_ , but anyway, I have a super evil dude here for you guys, so maybe you can go ahead and, ya know, take him off my hands? Got wayyy better things to do than hang out here with the reject squad.”

**Gina Linetti, aka Moonlight  
Quirk: “Light Whip.” Moonlight’s body can produce and manipulate long strands of unbreakable white plasma which can strike lethally or bind securely. The “whips” are manipulated by her emotions, but the nature of this connection is unclear to all but the user herself.  
Affiliation: XXX Hero Association  
Age: 36  
Bloodtype: AB+  
Likes: Dancing, “bad boys”  
Dislikes: Reading**

“Who is he?” Jake looked at the man she’d brought in. Much of his torso was wrapped in her whips as she waited for one of them to handcuff and process him.

“Yeahhh, he _definitely_ ran when he saw me, and like, who runs from a hero? Definitely a monster.” She flicked her hand, causing the whips to tighten. The man whimpered but continued to say nothing.

The look on Amy’s face said she was about to explode.

“Who’s this loser?” Rosa appeared in the doorway, hands propped on her hips. “His fear is stinking up the place.”

**Detective Rosa Diaz  
Quirk: “Empathy.” Rosa unwillingly experiences the emotions of those around her. These abilities show some correlation to her sense of smell, as she is unable to use her quirk when she is sick or suffering from allergies.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 33  
Bloodtype: A+  
Likes: Spicy food, MMA  
Dislikes: Feelings**

“Ohhh, hello Detective Diaz,” the whip-bearing hero purred, “this bad, bad man was on the wrong side of a locked jewelry shop door, and the poor thing started running. Take care of him for me?” She unfurled the binding whips, spinning the man in question toward Rosa, who rolled her eyes and cuffed him.

“Ugh, stop it, dude. I’m not actually gonna kill you, and Moonlight’s definitely not gonna do any of the stuff your nasty brain is mulling over.”

The already pale thief whitened even further while Gina laughed. “Oh? Sorry, sweetie, but I’m saving all my late night activities for someone else. What are you doing later, Rosa?” She rolled the ‘r’ with a flourish.

Behind her, Amy’s eyes rolled, and a notebook slammed on the floor next to where Charles had been standing. “Okay! Thanks, Gina, we’ve got it from here! I’m sure the city needs you, so—”

“Now, now, Boyle, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that Moonlight is an exemplary hero who would never endanger the public by letting a criminal walk free,” the captain declared, stepping in. “I’m sure she’s just waiting for someone to _ask_ for her full report, correct?”

Gina looked pained but nodded. “Uh-huh, yep. Nobody ever wants to get _my_ side of the story around here. Detective Diaz, shall we—”

“Nope,” Rosa plopped back onto her desk.

Gina pouted for a moment, then brightened. “What about that sergeant of yours?”

“Of course.” Holt called toward the back office—“Sergeant Jeffords, you’re needed as a hero liaison!”—before turning back to the hero. “He’ll be with you in a moment, Lady Moonlight. Now I have my own duties to attend to. Have an excellent evening and be sure to let my staff know if there’s anything else you need.”

Gina gave him a mocking salute as he disappeared into his office, then whipped around to greet Jake. “Sooo, any progress with the quirkl— _mmphhsff!_ ”

Jake was pretty sure she was licking his palm as he covered her mouth. “Oh, wow, Gina! It’s so great to see you and not talk about anything personal in front of my coworkers!”

Unfortunately, his cover-up was halted a moment later by a jab in the ribs. Gina dusted off her bodysuit and raised an eyebrow at him. “If you don’t wanna talk about your weird fetishes or whatever, fine, Jake, but the next time you put your hand on my face, I’m taking it with me.”

It was clear she didn’t mean with it still attached to him.

“Sounds very L.O.V.” Amy snarked. “Thinking of turning to villainy, Moonlight?” She leaned against her desk only for it to slide away a little, compromising her balance. Jake snorted as she righted herself and continued glaring.

“Did you just say ‘ell oh vee’ in real life? Nobody does that.” Gina chuckled. “Although I don’t know what I expected from someone who dresses like… _that_.” You could actually _taste_ the contempt in her words as she gave Amy a disparaging onceover before returning to her original topic. “And Jakey here knows exactly what’s at stake, villainy or no.”

Jake jumped in quickly. “Oh look, Sarge is here! Time to give your report, Gina!”

The sergeant had indeed arrived, looking annoyed to be summoned and then dismayed to see _whom_ he’d been summoned to help. “Oh no. Jake, please no.”

**Sergeant Terry Jeffords  
Quirk: “Voice.” Sgt. Jeffords can pitch his voice to frequencies lower and higher than the normal human range of hearing as well to volumes considered lethal to humans upon hearing.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 46  
Bloodtype: AB+  
Likes: His kids, yogurt, weightlifting  
Dislikes: Violence**

“Sorry, Sarge! Charles and I have to go investigate the aftermath of the teleport villain on the south side. Have fun, kay bye!”

Behind him he heard Charles hiss out a “Yes!” which Jake assumed was accompanied by a fist pump, since that was just the kind of person he was.

Jake flipped Amy’s pimp perp folder closed, not giving it any further attention. Maybe the villain would still be onsite by the time they got there.

***

Boyle probably could’ve been a hero if he weren’t so awkward.

“I told you, it requires skin contact!”

Technically, no one even knew what Charles Boyle looked like, so it was anyone’s guess as to just _how_ unpleasant it was to have him plastered against them, chest-to-chest, with a negligible amount of clothing on. But Jake assumed pretty much all thoughts on the concept ranged somewhere from ‘kinda’ to ‘extremely’ unpleasant, with no dissenters to the positive end of the spectrum.

“Do I really _need_ to be invisible? The guy’s long gone.” Besides, the point of being invisible was, presumably, stealth. But he knew both himself and Charles well enough to admit that neither of them were planning on shutting up anytime soon.

He shoved himself away from Boyle, relieved to once again see his hands as he pulled his gun from its holster and scanned the area. The place was pure rubble, courtesy of the overpowered heroes trying to take down an erratically moving target. Now the various destroyed highrises lit up blue and red from ambulance lights as they began to pull away. “Even the EMTs are leaving. No one’s _here_.”

“The guy’s got a _teleportation quirk_ , Jake. Do you have any idea how _rare and powerful_ those are? This guy could be _anywhere!_ At any time!”

“Right, yeah, and I can _totally_ see why he’d choose here.” Jake rolled his eyes and gestured at the urban hellscape before them. “I mean, the view is fantastic and— _ohgodtherehegoes!_ ”

A shape appeared in front of them and disappeared just as quickly. The two of them jerked their heads around, trying to ascertain where the guy had gone. “Jake, did you see his—”

“ _No, I didn’t see anything!_ Don’t you think I’d _tell_ you if I had?”

“We should definitely go ghost again.” Boyle sounded almost giddy.

Jake glared at where he thought his partner was. “For the last time, that’s not a thing. Nobody calls it that.”

“We should—”

“Charles, shut up!” A _whoosh_ came from behind them. “Defensive position!” He immediately felt Charles’ back against his, even as a _pop_ emanated from the same area he’d heard the rush of sound. “Did you hear that? He’s got a tell! Disappearing and reappearing make different sounds!”

“So you saw his—”

“ _Still no!_ ” Amy may be sour about not having a quirk, but at least nobody could attribute her hard work to a random bodily function. “Now _listen_.”

Silence rang through the open area. Jake’s mind raced. If the suspect hadn’t left the scene that meant he hadn’t gotten what he wanted. What that was, however, could range from something stupid like attention or recognition or even wanting to be caught to something more tangible, like…whatever had been in that levelled building over there.

“Charles,” he whispered over his shoulder. “This is a commercial district. Do you remember what valuable things they sell here?”

“The first building he was picked up in was a boutique that sold make-up, and that stuff can definitely run up a hefty tab. Genevieve’s moisturizer alone—”

“ _Other_ than expensive make-up, what’s here?” Jake hissed, still keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of the perp.

“A knock-off purse shop, an award-winning cupcakery, a vacation insurance office…” From the cadence of his voice, Jake assumed he was pointing at each building as he spoke, even though neither of them could see his hands…which reminded him.

“Charles. Ghost. _Ghost!_ ”

He heard a gasp. “You used it!” He felt Charles grab his hand, and he instantly lost sight of himself and his gun. There was always a moment of panic when that happened, but he was quickly distracted by the rush of sound in the rubble to their left.

Still holding Charles’ hand, he whipped around and caught sight of the perp for the first time. A yellow-eyed man with dark hair stood beside a collapsed purple awning slowly scanning the area.

**James Felton  
Quirk: “Jump.” Felton can instantaneously relocate his body over a distance of 500 feet. This distance decreases with use.  
Affiliation: None  
Age: 22  
Bloodtype: AB-  
Likes: Video games, tacos  
Dislikes: Authority **

Jake rolled his eyes. _Of course._

The first reports of the teleportation villain were over an hour ago, and by all accounts his use of his quirk had been continuous. The fact that he was still in the area afterward meant either he was still looking for something, as Jake thought before, or his quirk range was running down, maybe 15-20 feet. Or both.

If they could corner him into a place with no available teleportation spots within that distance… He squeezed Charles’ hand twice, still watching Felton as he crunched his way down the aisle of destroyed stores.

Charles squeezed back enthusiastically. If they hadn’t already established a code based on hand holding (Charles’ idea), then Jake would have thought he was being a little too enthusiastic. Instead, though, he just nodded and split up.

Now completely visible, it was only a matter of time before the kid looked up and noticed he was being tailed by a plainclothes detective. Or maybe he’d already noticed and simply didn’t care. After all, cops weren’t all that intimidating when the world was full of literal superheroes, and this guy’s quirk was built for evasion.

Thankfully, Charles knew the drill by heart. He’d slip away to summon the heroes while Jake was doing the thing he did best: being distractingly annoying.

“Heyyyy Jimmy! Missed you earlier, looked at the taco truck and everything, but no dice, bro! What’s the deal?”

***

So a couple of notes Jake had on his new friend, Jimmy.

“Affiliation: None” was kind of an impromptu label considering he’d quit running errands for the League of Villains literally yesterday.

_“They wanted me to be legit, and I ain’t about that life, maaaan.”_

**Relationship status: In a relationship with Jennifer Maxwell**

Additionally, Jimmy had a girlfriend (yeah, Jake was surprised, too) with expensive tastes.

_“I jist wanted to treat her good, ya know? Make-up, nice bag, maybe a sweet treat. Dana is worth it, bro.”_

But Jimmy Felton did not have a lot of money to his name.

**Net worth: -$832.62**

_“League stopped paying me, I can’t afford that shit. I was just gonna be in and out, no harm done. The prices they got on them fancy cupcakes is straight ridiculous, chief.”_

Jake had almost choked at learning the single cupcake the perp had managed to salvage was nearly $15. Scully and Hitchcock had disappeared with it a few minutes ago, so he hadn’t even been able to tell what was so special about it.

Overall, Jimmy’s own quirk was too big a temptation to pass up, and he’d managed to get himself in a lot of trouble very quickly. Score one for Amy’s “quirks are overrated” attitude.

“I ain’t even the one that wrecked the buildings, man! The heroes did that shit!” Jimmy whined.

“Chasing _you!_ ” Jake pointed out, despite the fact that he kind of agreed with the whole accountability situation. Jimmy’s own quirk wasn’t a destructive one, yet somehow the entire plaza had been destroyed. If Jake was a hero, he’d have a lot more regard for property and infrastructure.

Instead, he turned around and caught his reflection in the two-way mirror, reading a banner of information he had long since learned no one else could see.

**Detective Jake Peralta  
Quirk: “Profile.” Upon seeing a person’s face, Jake instantly manifests a mental profile of that person. Prolonged eye contact with Detective Peralta yields further information based on his relationship with the subject.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 35  
Bloodtype: O+  
Likes: Heroes, Action Movies  
Dislikes: Routine**

_Cop quirk._

Which was cool, whatever. Made processing villains a hell of a lot easier, even if nobody ever wanted him to leave the precinct building because of how useful he was for interrogation. It’s not like he needed to be out in the action or anything, he definitely wasn’t bitter.

Just like Amy wasn’t bitter about not having a quirk at all, right? It could be worse! Gah, now he just felt terrible and probably should apologize to her or something. Gift basket? Too much. Expensive jewelry? Maybe.

Besides, he had it better than he ever had. Ever since Captain Holt had taken over the 99, Jake was getting used as more than just a vessel for a convenient quirk. He had a brain, his boyish charm, and almost $75 to his name, there was so much untapped potential!

“I disagree with several parts of that.” Holt took off his glasses to look at Jake over the sheaf of papers he was holding. “But I’d say you’re absolutely correct about the potential. It’s a pity you’re not using more of it.”

“Definitely did _not_ think I said that out loud, do you read minds? No, wait, I’d definitely already be fired if you could do that, pretend I didn’t say anything. So what’s up?”

Holt stared at him stoically—or maybe he was upset. Overjoyed? There was literally no way to tell—before continuing. “This ne’er-do-well could well be the key to discovering where the last remnants of the League are hiding. Well done, Peralta.”

“Anything for ma bestie!”

“No.”

“Anything for my father figure.”

“Well—”

“Aha! Too late, you didn’t disagree fast enough, okay byeeee!”

***

Jimmy wasn’t just an excellent lead, he was a sterling communicator.

“Man, fuck cops! I thought heroes sucked but you guys are worse.” 

“Thank you for your very important opinion, now please just look at the door and tell us if you can identify anyone.”

“Jake!” Gina’s voice belted from the passenger seat. He’d already had to shut down her requests for music, despite the fact that “I can’t be a hero without my tunes”. Apparently Gina’s costume helmet was equipped with streaming capabilities, which was pretty sick, and the Lady Moonlight usually fought crime with an ample playlist of empowering women, “except for Mount Lady because she dropped her debut album the same week as I was tryin to make my comeback, so she’s dead to me, and I’m no longer attending her wedding.”

“Wait, she’s getting married? Wait, no, not the point, you still can’t play music on a stakeout.”

Gina had looked offended for a moment before she rolled her eyes and said. “Uhh, _okay_. Well, I’m just gonna put this helmet on because I take my job _super seriously_. Crime and villainy could happen _any moment_ , and I gotta be ready. Yell if you need me.” Jake could actually hear Beyonce music coming out of her visor. It was a wonder she could still hear.

“Jake!” She yelled again. The visor was fully open as Destiny’s Child flooded the small undercover car.

“Did you have something to say?” He asked pleasantly, trying not to grimace at the music drowning out everything else. Seriously, how was she not deaf?

“Yeah, that’s the hand guy, isn’t it!”

Behind them, Jimmy gasped. “Ohhhhh yeah, that’s Shiggy all right. We gotta go, dude’s gonna _kill_ me.”

“Oh no problem, we’re super covert right now, even Gina’s music isn’t— _aaaaand she’s gone, what the hell, Gina!_ ”

The car door remained open for a moment, but a light strand slammed it shut even as Jake’s phone buzzed.

**‘busting up the LOV, brb’**

Jake looked at the door they’d been watching just in time to see a man get thrown out to hit the wall in front of them. “ _Gina, nooooooooo!_ ”

***

“ _Awesome_.”

“No, Rosa, _not_ awesome.” He groaned. “It was just supposed to be gathering intel. We didn’t see anyone besides Shigaraki—”

“—the leader,” Gina clarified.

“—who you _didn’t even catch_.” Jake finished, glaring.

“‘Whom’,” Amy jumped in.

“Ah, Santiago, I knew you couldn’t resist correcting my terrible grammar which was totally deliberate and not at all a complete misunderstanding of when you should and shouldn’t use ‘whom’.” He laughed nervously. “All part of my daring 16-part seduction plan. Just fall for me already. We all know you’ve been looking at my butt.”

“No, I haven’t!” Amy reddened.

“Rosa, confirm?” Jake looked at her hopefully.

“She hasn’t.” Rosa said flatly, arms crossed.

“Thanks for crushing my dreams, Rosa.”

“No problem.”

***

Amy watched as Moonlight wrapped Peralta in her whips while yelling something about job descriptions and dragged him into the captain’s office. The door slammed behind them, and the blinds were quickly drawn. _Yikes._

“Hey.”

She jumped. Rosa was still standing beside. “Rosa! You scared me!”

“Why the hell are you surprised? I literally haven’t moved.”

“Because you legitimately terrify me, and I’m constantly worried you can tell.” It was best to be upfront with Rosa about this kind of stuff. She didn’t like being lied to, and her quirk made it almost impossible to do it convincingly anyway.

Rosa tilted her head in consideration. “Fair. And I can. But honestly, I’m so used to the fear smell that it would take more than yours to really make a dent.”

 _Great_. “Not reassuring, but continue.”

“You need to tell Jake.” It was amazing how few facial expressions Rosa had for someone who was, presumably, constantly feeling the emotions of everyone in the room around her. Amy herself tended to wear all 38 of her emotions of the moment on her sleeve. Wait, was “manic” an emotion? 39.

“Tell him what?” She forced a laugh. “What are you even talking about? It’s not like—”

“You like him.”

“Okay,” Amy said in a small voice.

“And you _do_ look at his butt. You owe me.”

It was a nice butt. “Wha—I… _you’re_ a butt! So crazy, how could you even?”

“Lust is an emotion, idiot.”

Amy stomped and threw up her hands. “That is _so not fair!_ ” She pointed to Rosa’s leather-clad, bad girl look. “Not all of us can just close off from the rest of the world and live secret lives and be cool and stuff! Can you just give me this?” She wheedled.

“No. It’s gross. At least if you guys were boning I wouldn’t have to smell your…” Rosa shuddered. “…longing.” 

“Oh my god, did you just say ‘longing’?”

“Yes. Don’t make me say it again. If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

“No, yeah, of course. Just…is it really that specific?”

Rosa rolled her eyes and finally left Amy to her thoughts.

***

About an hour later, Amy casually (totally _so casual_ , yeah) made her way over to Rosa’s desk. “So if lust is an emotion then…”

“Yeah, just…stay away from Hitchcock.” Rosa’s nostrils flared in warning. Or possibly disgust. Or fear? Amy didn’t know if Rosa even experienced fear on her own. “Not that you needed a reason.”

“Noted.” Amy scurried back to her desk with even _more_ to think about. And possibly a restraining order to file.

***

**Detective Michael Hitchcock  
Quirk: “Still Vision.” Hitchcock can see through anything, both physically and metaphorically—i.e. lies, disguises, clothes, walls, anything—so long as both he and the subject are completely motionless.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 57  
Bloodtype: A-  
Likes: Big butts, Pie  
Dislikes: Work**

“I’m _telling_ you, they’re in cahoots!”

Hitchcock had grabbed Jake fresh out of a reaming by the captain on what exactly their duty toward society and heroes actually was. Gina half-apologized and promised to buy him a drink while at the same time looking like the cat who caught the canary. She was a special woman, and even if they didn’t have a shared childhood, he couldn’t find it in himself to stay mad at her.

“So Rosa and Santiago are talking to each other, _who cares?_ ” He knew he was snapping, but without Gina to be mad at, he was back to being directionless in his anger, and Hitchcock looked like an excellent target.

“Well, see if I share any clues with _you_ in the future!” Hitchcock harrumphed, leaning back in his computer chair.

“This is a _police precinct_ , Hitchcock, it’s called _evidence_ , and if you find any for a case, you have to share it with _everyone_.” Jake crossed his arms, avoiding going back to his desk to pick at his rubber band ball and contemplate his existence.

“Don’t quote the rules to me, son, I helped write them!”

“God, such a cool line is _wasted_ on you. And no, you didn’t.”

“Yeah-huh!” Scully piped up. “We weren’t on the rules commission, sure, but I know for a fact that some of the rules added in the ‘80s are because of us!”

**Detective Norman Scully  
Quirk: “Bull Form.” Scully’s physical form and abilities resemble those of a bull. Aside from his ears, horns, and tail, he also has immense strength, stomach capacity, and a temperamental reaction to the color red.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 54  
Bloodtype: O-  
Likes: Crossword puzzles, singing  
Dislikes: Spicy food**

“Not something I’d be bragging about,” he informed the seated detective, who just frowned in confusion, “aaand this interaction has gone on for too long. Thanks and have a terrible night.” Jake turned to go back to his desk only to find Amy right behind him.

“Santiago, I’m not really in the m—”

“I’ve been looking at your butt!” Amy yelled, inches from his face.

_Oh._

***

_Abort abort abort._

Amy reared around and sprinted toward the door. She’d only meant to come clean about her little…crush ( _god_ , but was “longing” any better really?) so Rosa would stop looking at her with murder in her eyes, but the words kinda went out of control.

Before she could fully escape _and_ before Jake came back to his senses, though, the Sergeant appeared in the doorway from the interrogation room, voice reverberating through the entire building. “Gear up for a raid, we have to go _now!_ ”

And so that was blessedly what she focused on for the next hour.

Fully kitted out, she learned on the ride to the raid site that perp Peralta brought in— _“Yes! In your face, Santiago!”_ —had finally given up the current base of operations of the League of Villains in exchange for protection. But considering the mess Felton had made the previous night, the LoV probably knew about his capture and would correspondingly move bases, so they had to be _quick_. The heroes were already onsite, but their team was right on their heels.

Normally, the police would simply put out hero bulletins and wait for news of captures, arrests, and casualties, but the 99th precinct had special dispensation for hero support. It was absolutely the pride of her life that she’d made it in without any quirk to speak of. She smirked to herself just thinking about it.

“What’s got you all smiley?” Jake’s own smirk was only a few inches from hers, if slightly obscured by the chinstrap of his helmet.

Her breath caught. Nope, nope, nope, she was focused on this mission. She had to compensate for her quirklessness with every step she made in law enforcement, and this raid was too important for her to lose her cool over some _guy._

Jake must have seen some of that determination on her face because the next moment he held up his hands in surrender. “Right, important mission, thoughts in order, eyes ahead and totally not on your butt. Let’s go get some bad guys.”

Amy bit down a small laugh and nodded.

***

They did not get any bad guys.

Which is not to say that no bad guys were _gotten_ , but none of them could be attributed to the presence of the 99. It shouldn’t have been a surprise when the people—the “heroes”—onsite before them had crazy quirks like electrification and explosion and some crazy multi-quirk situation that not only had Amy second-guessing her acceptance of her quirklessness but also landed the guy who had them at the top of every hero chart on earth. Because _of course_ he was here. It was intended to be the final takedown of the League of Villains, the number one baddies, so it’d be a travesty if the number one hero, the Symbol of Hope himself, _weren’t_ there. 

So the 99 hadn’t really been able to measure up to _that_ , and even if you took their leader out of the equation, the LoV were some seriously bad dudes. She might be a (particularly smart, talented) cop, but quirk or no quirk, she didn’t have the training and overall power required to take them on.

Instead, she and Peralta were interviewing the captured LoV members. Shigaraki had already been moved to another location, and they weren’t sure if all current League members were present and accounted for, so onsite interrogation was necessary. And Jake was in his element.

God, the sheer _knowledge_ he got instantly just from looking at someone’s face. She’d once asked him to explain the intricacies of his quirk to her, and she’d avoided looking him in the eye for too long ever since. Even the face thing was a bit much, to be honest, although the hilarious explanation of how he got Charles’ profile—it involved make-up and _“memories I don’t want and can’t get rid of”_ —almost made it worth asking.

“Umm, hey buddy…”

There was discomfort in Jake’s voice, and Amy realized she’d drifted out of the interrogation for a moment. She straightened and brandished her notebook. “What is it?”

Her partner’s nervous laugh was even more of a red flag. “Peralta?”

Jake pulled her to the side, away from the cuffed subject. To be honest, this one didn’t need close supervision. He seemed more than a little out of it, if the way he stood stock still and stared into the mid-distance was any indicator. “This guy has died _13 times_ , and it has nothing to do with his quirk.”

She stared at him, then shook herself and glanced back at the still silent perp. “Well, profile him and then, I hate to say it, but this looks like a job for Hitchcock.”

“I have never been less attracted to you, but I agree.” Jake sighed and looked back at the captured villain, rattling off the name and quirk before faltering. “Oh. He’s not with the League.”

“No affiliation?” Her pen hovered above the page, incomplete profile awaiting further details.

“No, there’s definitely an affiliation. And you’re not gonna believe this…” 

***

Not 48 hours later, the 99 had put a dozen members of the most powerful yakuza presence in the city behind bars. It was unprecedented police work in the time of quirks, with the only hero involvement being Lady Moonlight, who’d been drinking with friends nearby and happened to snag a would-be escapee as he ran by the door of the club.

They’d gotten commendations, medals, and best of all, a return to the day shift. And it was that first morning back that Amy realized she had to confront her feelings once more.

Or maybe…

***

“Peralta!”

Crap, that was Santiago’s “emotional voice”. Jake turned slowly, not sure what to expect. “And a very quiet and respectful good morning to you, too, Santiago! Welcome back to the day shift! How can I—”

She squared up to him and propped her hands on her hips. “Look me in the eye.”

Jake raised an eyebrow before realizing what she meant. “Oh damn!”

**Detective Amy Santiago  
Quirk: None. But woe betide anyone who thinks Amy Santiago needs a quirk to be top of her class and next in line for captaincy.  
Affiliation: 99th XXX Precinct  
Age: 31  
Bloodtype: A-  
Likes: Tabbed dividers, Helvetica font  
Dislikes: Heroes  
Language: English, Spanish, Corsican**

“What even is Corsican?”

“A convenient language for cursing at someone if they already know Spanish.”

“I don’t know Spanish.”

“ _Lo sé, pendejo_.”

**Family: Victor & Camila Santiago (parents)  
David, Tony, 5 others (brothers)**

“One of these days, I _will_ learn all of your brothers’ names.”

“You’re _really_ not getting the point of this, are you?”

**Relationship status: Single, Pining/Longing/Crushing on/Likes Jake Peralta  
Net worth: $172,446.12**

“Oh thank god, you have money. I was worried we’d be deeply in debt together.” He finally broke her gaze with a grin. “And I think my favorite term is ‘has a heart boner for’.”

A mulish expression crossed Amy’s face. “Rosa’s the one who gave me ‘longing’!” She accused, slightly too loud as she pointed across the bullpen at the other woman’s desk.

“You’re dead to me.” Rosa called back. “And congratulations.”

“Thanks, bestie!”

“No,” Rosa rejected, not looking up.

“Okay, bye Rosa.” Amy turned back to Jake with a shrug.

“Yeah, I tried it with the captain and got similar results. Turns out nobody likes us, but we like each other!” He held up a hand for a high five.

Amy immediately high fived him, then paused. “Not really the romantic gesture I was hoping to get as a reaction, not gonna lie.”

“What, you want like a secret handshake or som—oh, a kiss, right, got it,” he fumbled out as Detective Amy Santiago jerked him down by the collar for a long, deep, definitely-not-work-appropriate kiss.

When they pulled away from each other it was too a cacophony of cat calls and groans from around the bullpen. “Can I carry you out like in the movies?” He whispered while they were still close.

“It was literally just one movie, _An Officer And A Gentleman_ , and it’s literally the beginning of the workday, we can't leave,” she hissed back.

“Too late, I’m doing it.” He hoisted Amy into his arms and headed toward the elevator, only to be confronted by Holt as he got out.

Amy’s arms tightened around Jake’s neck. “Good morning, sir!”

The captain looked between the two of them and sighed. “Finally.” He stepped aside and held the elevator doors for them. “You have thirty minutes. Be back with coffee.”

“And donuts!” Scully yelled from behind them.

Jake’s face felt like it was going to split in half. “Yessir! And might I say what a lovely day it is!”

“If you are remarking on the quality of the day itself, I disagree, but I assume your comment is meant to indicate the fact that it is daytime rather than nighttime, which is a huge improvement from the last few months.”

“That. And the fact that I finally got confirmation of Amy’s heart boner for me.”

“Please leave and come back in a more professional manner.” Holt caught Amy’s eye and just shook his head slowly as the elevator doors closed between them.

Literally no one was surprised when Jake came back carrying Amy again, but with Amy cradling a precinct-approved brand of donuts and coffee, nobody was going to argue. A cheer went up as they laid out the treats and returned to work.

Jake may not have the license or quirk for it, but he’d never felt more like a hero.

***

**Author's Note:**

> hello, I’m Marlene, i have social media, and I desire your attention!! and you can find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/merlinhurricane) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/merlinhurricane) or pretty much anywhere @merlinhurricane if you wanna ask me something or talk (or give me prompts PLEASE!!)
> 
> last but not least I LOVE COMMENTS. kudos are also spectacular, but even if you just give me a keyboard smash or like a smiley or something, my soul will smile back. hang in there, and have a truly amazing day!
> 
> -MH
> 
> xoxo


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